(Brendan and I in 2009 after winning the SoCal Tournament of Champions)
For the first post in the WGC spotlight series, I shine the light on Brendan McInerny or "Bmac". He works for the Cal Berkeley football team on the recruiting staff and is the resident foodie with his weekly #FridaysFoodInBerk posts on twitter. Bmac is also one of my best friends since we took home the So-Cal TOC trophy in 2009 and has helped me get through some of my darkest moments. Without him, I think it's safe to say WGC wouldn't exist so I'm honored to interview him for this series.
What’s your experience with mindfulness, self-care, meditation, and that whole umbrella of healthcare?
I’d say I have some experience for sure, I started seeing a therapist when I was like 12 or 13, and I’ve seen 5 or 6 different people since. When I was younger like in middle school and the beginning of high school I was not about it, I didn’t see the point in going, I didn’t think anything was going to come of it, but my dad kinda just encouraged my sister and I to go. Even though I didn’t want to go, I wasn’t going to fight him on not going, whereas my sister did and she ended up not going. I just kinda said ehh its whatever, its just one hour of the day of one week. I’d go maybe once a month and I’d sit there and I’d talk but I didn’t know what to say at first, but I slowly started to open up more and more, but still nothing compared to how it's been more recently. At the end of high school, I started seeing someone again, and I realized that although there’s nothing wrong with me, there are still some things I could work on mentally that would just help me live a better life. So I don’t currently see a therapist, I’ve tried to but I can’t find someone good up in Berkeley where I live. The last time I saw someone was my junior year of college over winter break when I was really struggling. She was awesome, she helped realize some things and helped me connect some of the dots I couldn’t connect myself in my head so it helped out a ton.
You kinda touched on this with your first answer, but what was your first introduction to mindfulness, self-care, meditation, and that whole umbrella of healthcare?
My dad got me into it. He has gone through a lot of therapy work. There was a time when I was younger when my dad was a completely different person than who he is today, he was easily set off and things would tick him off really easily.
I won't get into it too much, but because of some things that happened in his crucial developmental stages, he had a lot of insecurities and problems that he carried into his adult life. So discovering that he carried some of that baggage with him and maybe took some of it out on my sister and I when we were younger, combined with the fact that my mom and he were divorced, he knew that I would probably have some things that I needed to talk about. And like I said, in the beginning, I thought he was crazy, I thought I was a happy kid and that everything was normal, but as I grew older and older and became self-aware, that’s when the truth started to show and I started looking into myself.
Do you feel like you know yourself well, and are there any things you are trying to figure out about yourself right now?
I’d say personally I’m very very self-aware. I’ve told my dad and my girlfriend that I’m very self-conscious. I think about every little thing that happens in my day and I’m constantly running through different narratives in my head. It’s kinda been a blessing and a curse I think because even though I’m very aware of what makes me happy and what makes me sad, I also am very very self-conscious and that’s hurt me a lot in the past. I’m constantly thinking about what others think of me, how other people might perceive my actions and other things like that. So ya, it’s definitely been a blessing and a curse, but going forward I’m hoping to stick to the self-aware side, and stay away from the self-conscious side and just be who I am as a person.
What is the most important activity in your day or week that keeps you grounded?
I like having a schedule where it’s a routine. For example at work when I have the same schedule every Monday, the same schedule every Tuesday I feel much more grounded. So ya I don’t necessarily have one thing, but just the idea of consistency day to day makes a big difference to me.
I’d also like to say I keep my room and personal space very tidy. I don’t know why but I feel like I can’t get stuff done if my room is messy if my office is messy. My mind will be completely focused on that and I need a clean area to be able to get stuff done and be able to put all my attention into something.
Quantity or Quality?
Quality.
Why quality?
I don’t know it depends on the context because a bunch of different things come to mind. I guess mainly I’m just thinking about the number of friends I have. I’d say in high school I didn’t have a lot of friends, but I had a couple of quality ones and that’s what made a big difference. I still kinda feel like that today, I mean I have a lot more friends now, but the individual higher quality friends mean much more to me than my big friend group.
Do you think it can be productive to do absolutely nothing?
I think so for sure, especially when I get off work or I have a day off in my busy schedule during the season, I wanna do nothing. I feel like its a good place for me to just recharge mentally and physically. So ya, I think it can be productive. I mean in the moment you’re not being productive by doing nothing, but when you’re finished taking the downtime, that’s when the productivity levels are higher than if you had just been going non stop.
Would you rather work a job you love for a small paycheck or a job you hate for a big paycheck, and where do you draw the line?
I mean that's literally the dilemma I’m in right now but I’d for sure stay with a job that I love for a small paycheck. Even though I grew up pretty privileged in Pasadena and Id say my dad showed me how important it is not to compromise and to do what you love.
Currently, I’m working for the Cal Berkeley football team, which is what I did during my four years as a college student. After graduating I couldn’t find a good-paying job that made sense to me so I decided to stay at Cal for a year in an unpaid position. I’d obviously love to be making money right now, but the money I saved by working for the team as a student allows me to continue down this path that I care about.
The point where I’d draw the line is when I start to feel taken advantage of. I think kids our age, it just kinda happens where we get taken advantage of because of the society we live in. Younger people like us get nothing initially and then you start to get paid once you’re older, but you might not be as productive or do as much stuff as when you were younger. So ya, that's where I draw the line, if I’m in my late 20s and I’m still barely getting paid but still doing a lot of work it’ll be time to find a new career.
What's a better quality in a friend, the ability to speak honestly, or listen attentively?
I think both are great qualities, and I think it depends on the individual. I personally would like a friend that speaks honestly. Like I said earlier, I’m very self-conscious and can be very indecisive about doing things, or the way I feel, or the way I act and how people react to that, so if someone could just tell me, ‘shut the fuck up, you’re fine, nobody cares what you’re doing’, that would really benefit me.
If you could give 1 million dollars to the cause of your choice what would it be and why?
Well, my answer is going to be based on a class I took last semester as an undergraduate student. It was a class called Wealth and Poverty with Robert Reigh, who is a former secretary of labor under President Clinton. He talked a lot about inequality in America in many different forms such as healthcare, income, education. But, anyways I think if I had a million dollars I’d donate it to primary schooling for kids who are in need because I think that’s the most influential time as kids/students. If there were more resources for underfunded schools and communities, I think it’d help the population as a whole if everyone was getting an education, because we’d only be getting smarter and smarter.
What does happiness mean to you?
I’d say it means being content with yourself. Liking the things that you do, how you feel. I think happiness is doing what you wanna do in the moment no matter what. I often would struggle, and still struggle with being caught up with what other people think — which I think is the theme of this interview — people would pressure me to go out or go do things I didn’t want to do. I used to say yes so I could keep them happy, but in reality, it wasn’t what I wanted. So that’s the kind of happiness that I like — doing the things you love to do, acting the way you want to act, wearing the clothes you want to wear, listen to whatever you want to listen to.
Twitter time machine: send one tweet to yourself at age 16. (280 character limit)
I think it goes back to the whole self-conscious thing because I think that’s what I need to work on the most, so I’d say,
“Who cares what other people think about you, be yourself. If they don’t like you for who you are, why would you want to be their friend, why would you want to associate yourself with them.”
(Follow Brendan on Twitter: @BrendanMcInerny)
Is there anything else you want the people reading this to know? Feel free to plug a project you're working on or share a message you have for the world.
Come to a Cal football game. I’m super passionate about Cal athletics and especially Cal football, so that’s part of it.
Also, in terms of a message I’d like to give is, just take care of yourself. I mean that’s the most important thing. I know it’s hard to become self-aware but I feel like when my dad introduced me to therapy and talked to me about his process it helped me grow as a person. The more you can be in touch with your feelings the more it will help you in the long run.